1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I had the privilege of meeting you.

So I'm going to go a little out of my routine here (God help us) and talk about something a little... personal? It's just a story - perfect to me, cute to my friends, acceptable to my father, maybe boring to you. No matter how you look at it, the timeline always looks the same.I couldn't even tell you how it started though because it seems like a lifetime ago when we were fresh and naive babies. Well, I can tell you and I will because it's the story of my heart growing and hurting and loving for the first time.

The 450 foreigners disturbing the 60+ million of Italy for 10 months through a program founded in 1914 had more than just all those numbers fluttering in my head. Of those 450 students, 8 were lucky enough to reside in Bologna and one of whom I was not particularly fond. He just didn't interest me; something set me off. 

Buuuuut....then we went to Cesenatico with all the kids we know and love. The whole camp was just getting familiar with ourselves in this new place. And guess what? I came home with a new attitude, appreciation for Nutella and best friend. That Norwegian driving me crazy in Rome would quickly become the closest bro (and girlfriend for the things he didn’t even want to hear) I had in the country.  

By November, I was getting comfortable in my own skin. Part of this groove meant admitting to myself and closest gossiping girls how much I was beginning to care for and be cared by the boy. I did my best to convince myself I was crazy but yet I spent nights of texting and afternoon coffees unsure of what I was getting myself into. 

So we were idiots. I mean that in the most sincere and honest way possible - we were truly stupid. Can I really date my best friend? Can we really destroy the family lovin' dynamics of AFSBologna? Can we really make this commitment? It's no dinner date - it's seeing each other 'till June whether we like it or not. Whatever, we’ll do what we can and just say bye in July. It can be that simple, right? 

Our loyal third wheel ♥ :*  

Wrong.


You see, I know him now. I know that he doesn't like touristy trips or raisins, has a collarbone distinct after its break and a ticklish spot on his ribs. He gets cranky when he's bored and bored when he's cranky. When he doodles, it seems like he's ignoring you yet he's soaking up each of your words. Loves to people watch and prefers communication via music, not words. Buys too many overpriced shoes and likes his jeans oddly tight. Respects people. Hates the standard system. Sings in the shower. Speaks five languages. Predicts me frustratingly well. Would rather walk than take the public bus. Has a scar from the time he was bitten by a horse. Calls me before bed.

The collaboration of facts, memories, pains and jokes creating him caught my eye, then attention and finally my heart. I thought in loving him I was given the security that I really knew him but even so, he still surprises me. Like, the left me speechless and laughing/rambling like an idiot kind of surprised. 

I found myself in the midst of summer camp preparations wandering downstairs during a meeting. Finding useless lights on, I got annoyed because hey, if we're all upstairs save the whales // the planet for my granbabies, no? I flung open the curtains only to begin stuttering like a fool. Before me sat that boy asking me to sit down for a quick sec. I obey, only to see my three best friends come out as they all began playing their instruments for this lovely party of one. He sang sweetly to me songs of loves and bitter, unwelcome goodbyes with the help of the other boys in my heart. His reasonings were “just because” and “hey, I love you.” What does that even...? What? Why? Ahh, how did I get this lucky?

June meant doing anything and everything, living up Italy as much as anyone could. Everyone had this July 8th date in the back of their heads but kept it there like on that high shelf under your  old, dusty high school textbooks. Somehow, the month came and went as I lived on my feet and slept when I could (and I wasn't the only one). But suddenly we were back in Rome. Goodbyes were said, my last legal drinks were had, my level of appetite and hours of sleep had never been lower. I had made my peace and promises with nearly everyone.

One goodbye was left. Talking about this in a bar on a cool, November Monday afternoon and actually feeling the weight of my heart (and stuffed bags) as I stood before Norway made me realize what complete fools we were from the very beginning. Without making this a little girl's diary under her bed, I learned to love and be loved by who seemed to be the best friend and boy for me in the time frame it took us to come and go from that same hotel. Just ten quick months. Trust me, it's over before you know it.

So as the story of his swooning songs spread among our gossiping friends, we ended the night playing those same songs with everyone we love the most. My "fairytale" nightmare was cut short when I, as the first departure group, was called to pick up my ticket and get on my bus. I couldn't even stand. I've never felt more vulnerable or unsure. These ridiculous AFS camps and the Italians and myself... this was all supposed to prepare me for now. I was supposed to pack my bags and say, "Great. This year was perfect. Now I'm going home."

But stepping on the pullman leaving for the airport, I had never been more scared. All I needed to do was see my "ex-boyfriend" (lol) one more time to leave with some assurance. I held out as long as I could but it was playing Where's Waldo as everyone waved goodbye, unsure of when/if any of us would reunite again. Yet I'll say it again - I swear there's nothing more important than a loyal Russian bro. Ivan lost his voice shouting for my attention because with him was Norway playing my songs and finishing what we started. I sat on the steps just outside the bus as a line of volunteers and a world of differences kept us apart. We said this would be it but letting go of someone so important just because of some miles of distance isn't as easy as it so seemed.

It's time to go now but suddenly I am being yelled at? Child please, I'm a golden child of AFS students. I was called by one of the younger volunteers. He had kindness in his eyes but force in his voice. "Is this yours?! Is this going on because of you?!" I couldn't help but laugh at him as he saw what all other foreign freaks had over the year (the "what are you going to do when you guys go home?" question gets old fast). "Yeah," I said. "It has been for the better part of the best ten months of my life." "Then what the hell are you doing sitting there, crying like a baby? Get down here and say one last goodbye you both deserve, idiots."

So that was that. I got one last kiss and made a catastrophic scene as everyone's hearts broke for us. The story made it's way around Bologna before I even got home! As convincing as we sounded in November, it's not over. Technology... man, it'll do wonders these days. We text regularly and Skype dates are kind of our thing. He was my best friend from the start so now that's what we're trying to get back to. I still love him and he still loves me but for now it is what it is. Who knows when I'll see him again but I have a gut feeling I will soon enough. He's the worst exboyfriend ever. Jeg elsker deg, ti amo, I love you. See you soon.

To tell you the truth, I don't have much to offer. But I'll still give you everything I've got, even if it's barely anything at all. I'll give you late nights, long hugs, someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone who will always be there, a hand to hold, someone to lean on. And if that's not enough, just know you have all of me.