The Now & The Next

So... there's that? I wish I could just say the end, close the chapter and sign off the blog. I've been home for nearly two months but this is far from over.

Hi Mom :D

I've kept myself busy since my arrival home (to the extent of calling myself a nomad) yet my mind wanders twice as much as I do. I can still walk my way around Bologna by vivid memory or recognize Fede's sweet smell when he's wrapped up in his robe fresh out of the shower. I still hear Luca calling for water in English to get my attention and make me laugh or my classmates rattling off fresh material to the scariest teachers. I know the shape of Eleonora's thin hands and the freedom of venting with Michi. Cuddling with Yle, Ali, Glo and Ele is irreplaceable. Sometimes I grab an extra yogurt out of the fridge for Mamma Carla out of pure habit. So what's a girl to do? With a case of nostalgia this serious, my only prescription is that booked plane ticket and a countdown to December 27. I'll be back home soon enough.

False Advertising

In the meantime.... evidently I'm "changed." Sure, I shop at different stores and prefer smaller, stronger coffees; I might have had one too many gelatos (no regrets) or not enough haircuts but I came home convinced I was still me. That's the truth more or less but I couldn't fool anyone. No one disappears for ten months to a foreign country and comes home the same person. I can't specifically explain the new parts of me but the collaboration has formed better perspective after seeing different things. I got insight not only on the world outside but also on my little one at home. Everyone talks about this "culture shock" once we start seeing things during our exchange year that surprise us. What I wasn't prepared for was that same feeling upon my arrival home. All the students joke about how overrated the "beauty of diversity" was that AFS flaunted until we actually experienced it for ourselves. In those lessons, I've begun to appreciate the better parts of both my countries. But geeze louise, I miss those good Italian habits so much my heart hurts.

This princess 

 

is pampered.

Probably the most rewarding (most definitely the hardest) part of coming home is to see who is still there waiting for you. First and foremost, there has always been my fabulous four. How could I have even done any of this without my parents and sisters? I don't really have words to express my gratitude but luckily with them I've never needed any. Things just make sense. I say, "I love you" and they'll roll their eyes as if it's something they don't know.

 

It's taken me a little while to realize that I'm not the only one who has lived these last ten months. My friends are changed, their stories are different. We've all had our fun and heartaches yet now we seem to have taken completely different routes. Does it matter if we're traveling different roads as long as we stay on the same map, crossing paths every once in a blue moon? I bounced around a lot last summer having fun with anyone ready for a good time (YOLO). Now that I'm home, I know the value of a "true few." What I see as important in a friendship and the priorities/values I see in my peers have become all clearer to me, what matters now is sticking with those who have always meant the most to me. I know who my real friends are and we've picked up exactly where we left off. That is real beauty.

Normandy Beach, NJ

 

It has taken me nearly two months time to really get a grasp on things. I'm letting go, catching up and figuring out how to live in the middle of two lives. Geeze Hannah Montana taught me it wasn't always fun and games but I'm trying to get some balance in the best of both worlds ;)

Packing to/from Italy, I knelt before the same empty suitcase with entirely different perspective... what I need the most and will take with me everywhere is not usually tangible. I instead carry the necessities in my heart and head. These experiences - American, Italian and international - have made me who I am. The point (I think) is to keep where I'm from, where I'm going and who I am in sight along the way. And hey - once this became clear, my suitcase got a whole lot lighter.

And what's next? Besides growing so much I can feel my brain stretch, I know I need some way to occupy my time. So my sisters kicked my butt into shape and gave me enough lists to write a book or satisfy Monica from Friends...
I got my first job ever bussing and schmoozing at a golf course.
I tour colleges like a pro.
I harass my mother.
I make bank babysitting.
I study.
I register to become a certified nurse's assistant.
I get my driver's permit.
& I.... pack. Yeah, about that whole wanderlust thing? Once you catch the bug, the only cure is continued travels.

From Watertown to DC....

To Boston and Rhode Island

I won't stay put too long :) 

Bad days made better by good cuddles.      Get in loser, we're going shopping.

Babymamma at her finest....

 

During late night cuddles with Rocky, I wondered how I could possibly stay in Watertown much longer (no offense, it's not you it's me). If my sign to go was any bigger it would have been neon letters written across my vast front yard. Apparently Ghana is my next fate. Yes, read that again. September 3rd, I leave for Africa. A small village has been adopted by this mission team, continuing to receive help and develop over the years. Our project for this two-week stay will be the construction of their very first well (since they currently lack a clean water source), development in the computer lab (the only one for miles and miles) and playful relationship building with the hundreds of schoolchildren. Like most of my other mission trips, any of my teammates are probably old enough to be my (grand)parent. I learned from Italy that no amount of mental preparation can get me ready for what I'm about to see. If we thought I gained perspective there, let's just see how much Ghana can knock me off my feet.

Awombrew, Ghana

Don't mind my silence for the next two weeks, I'll be busy soaking up Ghana, avoiding sun/mosquitoes and celebrating my BIRTHDAY! My 16th year has definitely been one of the most interesting so what better way to end it? Wish me luck. I promise nothing but a new me upon return.

Happy end of summer, I hope you're getting what you need and loving what you do. 

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

La Compania dei Belli, Allegri Cazzari

The way I love you will outlast every calendar, clock, 

and every toll of every bell that will ever be cast.

So this is it. I don't really know how to jump into this night expressing myself sincerely. I've tip-toed around this subject carefully all year because how can I do justice to this? It's just a bunch of kids, a group from the block or more commonly known as "La Compania dei Belli, Allegri Cazzari." They were my game-changer and one of the most important aspects of my year without a doubt.


Their history is almost as complicated as their dynamics and gossip but the basics are easy enough. Once upon a time, five kids within five streets were born all within five months of each other. Never apart, their friendships grew as they did and somehow, 18 years later, 5 kids grew into 40 friends. In a city oh-so big, it's a neighborhood oh-so tiny where everyone knows everyone which was both my blessing and burden. My title of "the American girl" wouldn't wear off for the longest time. That finally was ditched as Eleonora, the host sister I never had and one of my best friends, opened up her friends, city and heart to me. From my birthday to my crying hospital mess, to New Years to everything else then and now, I've realized I've got this girl for life; I can't shake her. The best part is the lack of difference I feel between cool Sunday evenings on a park bench or early summer mornings on Skype catching up with my girl. And anyway, so happened to be my transformation - Eleonora's foreign friend - the American girl - Natalie - Natty.

The development was well worth the wait and I feel like a major tool talking about, "Oh you know, just me and my 30 closest friends," But hey, that's exactly what it was. On a given Saturday night I can find a handful of them waiting at the same spot but always for different fun. I was a lot of things with them - sad and exhilerated and happy and frustrated and ridiculous and confused but never bored.

I got average grades in high school English and all I've done lately is blog, so I don't have expressions or words to explain the bursting love I have pouring from my heart for them. I don't know what it was but something about...

My first "Boys' Night Out (with Natty). The thrill of 3AM bike rides to that bridge above the highway. About my best friend ringing my doorbell unexpected because he missed me after two days apart. The concern for the girls never allowed to walk home alone. The pain in the stomachs of those laughing at my latest foreigner mistake. My first cry in front of them. Going over to another house just to pass out on their couch. The fearlessness of calling them on their nonsense. Opening someone else's fridge without asking permission because I can. Knowing their siblings. Knowing their pasts.
And the hours and beers and laughs and experiences that we've now shared.

 

That was my year, all I ever needed and more. They are ridiculous and dramatic and loud and perfect and I've never felt more loved by such messed up people in all my life! Ahh give me one more chance and I'd do it all exactly the same.

This relationship formed between Christmas and summertime was my best choice and most stupid mistake. How could I possibly let them go now? Coming home from Tuscany with the girls all bronzed and relaxed, I wrote to them on Facebook saying I wouldn't love anything more than spending my last night out with them like a usual good time. That's all; I'm a fairly low-maintenance girl.

However, when I slipped into my summer dress, smacked on some red lipstick and kissed Mamma Carla goodnight (warning her not to wait up or she wouldn't get any sleep), I should have known better. My plan was to meet everyone at Giulia's for dinner and the numbers in our company had me soaring on cloud nine. I couldn't be happier to see everyone but more distraught to say goodbye soon enough. Our plan was to put that negativity in the back of our heads and have a good time by sweeping it under the rug.

And what says classic denial like.... a good kidnapping? I was swooned to a car, shipped to a house, thrown into a closet and forced into a prom dress. What? Like I said, this is no surprise; I should have seen this coming. Instead of bringing me back to Giulia's like normal people, my escorts followed the sounds of the wedding chants. They brought me to my very own matrimony in the beautiful hills of Bologna overlooking the whole city.

"Guys I can really open this beer by myself."

"And when it explodes all over your princess dress?"
"...Okay, Ema take care of me."  

There was a priest, a choir, witnesses, escorts and a map marked with every Italian city my eyes have been blessed by. It wasn't my first wedding that I expected but I would have no other love stronger than the one "between you, us and Italy that will live on forever." There was no rice, so we threw leaves... I kissed a map, not a boy... we celebrated with beers and without rings.


This is the part that gets tricky. I can't tell you how loved I felt or invincible I was. This was an actual perfect night. At the end of it, I did say goodbye and goodnight to some people who have completely changed my life and views. But it was more of a "catchya later" kind of scene. Few tears and lots of hugs assured me that I'll be back soon. We all know that, so why waste a good night on some unnecessary sappiness? The true few that lasted the night stumbled down the street at 10AM after 4 hours of sleep like zombies. I begged Michele at the coffee shop for his strongest concoction and he goes, "Oh honey, I knew that's what you needed the second you walked in."

So how will I say goodbye to all this?! Where did my time go? Everything now feels rushed and extremely fast paced so my biggest anxiety is to be sure I'm soaking everything in well. The last days were consumed by goodbyes, thoughts of my year and lots of terribly difficult packing. I can't say I would have done many things differently. Like every other year, there was the good and the bad but nothing that didn't contribute to the person I am writing to you today. I'd be lying if I didn't say that Compania dei Belli, Allegri Cazzari had nothing to do with that because the company of those beautiful, pretty screw ups has changed me forever. I. Love. You.

I spy a monster in my wedding gown..

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?